June 11th, 2009

03:27 pm - Fuck this. Friends only entries from now on, I've had it up to here. Current Mood: frustrated Tags: anger, friends only, frustration

(Leave a comment)

June 9th, 2009

04:19 pm OMG SO CUTE Eli on the left is mine, and Enoch belongs to Liz. It's been a while since I've had a kitten. :3 Editted to add: I wasn't really planning on getting another cat myself anytime soon. But Liz has always wanted a cat, and our friend mentioned he had kittens, white ones. Liz always wanted a white kitten. So we went to see them and he said he really didn't want to separate the white ones, they're brothers and really close to each other. I looked at them and just melted. Sooo... yeah. They're hanging out on the porch now with Chibi, who doesn't really seem too sure of what to make of them, lol. Current Mood: excited Tags: kitten, liz

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

June 8th, 2009

01:13 pm Fuck. Current Mood: frustrated

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

June 2nd, 2009

02:32 pm - OMG I just need a roommate! JEEBUS. Finally posted a craigslist ad. http://akroncanton.craigslist.org/roo/1201784061.html Hopefully something turns up soon. So... if you are looking for a place to live around here... or know someone who is... PLEASE TELL ME. Current Mood: crazy Tags: home, house, rent, roommate

(Leave a comment)

May 28th, 2009

01:45 pm - Fuck yes. I am gonna make it to PAX after all. Fuck yes cheap cheap airfare. <3 Seattle & Enforcers. Current Mood: ecstatic Tags: enforcers, pax, seattle, travel

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

May 19th, 2009

04:40 pm - I just can't have nice things! I was taking some pictures of Aquamarine and her brother Tarot today (who belongs to Liz) and somehow the camera came right off the tripod and slammed lens first into the wood floor of our dining room. I about cried as I looked at the shattered filter and the pieces now strewn about the floor. I'm not sure if this is going to be a huge issue to get taken care of, as I'm having a hard time getting the filter to unscrew from the lens as it appears to have become slightly bent as well. I'll likely take it to the camera store up in belden and see if they can help me out with it, but fuck am I pissed at myself about this. I really hope I didn't do any other damage to it. :( I hope the pictures I got of them were good tho. *sigh* Me & electronics have never gotten along very well. >.> In other news, Liz & I hosted our first party at the new house this last weekend, and while I remember very little, I hear that most everyone had a fantastic time. Mad kudos to Ian & Jenn for babysitting my drunk ass, and to Liz & Libby for all their help. I will not be making a repeat performance, so too bad for those of you who missed it. Giselle + 4 shots of vodka in quick succession = bad times. Party fouls aside, the house was still all in one piece by the end of the night, several people pitched in to help clean up, and nothing was broken. I woke up with a dull ache in my head, more likely from slamming my head on the floor than from a hangover, and a sore throat from all the puking, but otherwise I felt mostly ok. Probably still buzzed tho. Spent most of the day in bed until going out to Denny's later that night to be regaled with more tales about the party I missed. I'm really pleased to hear I didn't ruin anyone's night. Yesterday was pretty boring for the most part, I don't think I did a whole lot until the evening when Ian, Sheep, Frank & Steve came over to play the WoW d20 tabletop game with Liz & I. We didn't get very far, only managed to get our characters rolled and an idea of where we're starting. I'm playing a High Elf. She's a paladin. Don't try to make sense of it. She just is. I'm using a halberd. It's because I'm bad ass. I was very. VERY. Very tempted to use a scythe tho. Things are getting interesting around here, and I'm enjoying my new surroundings. Years of isolation and distance from my best friends has made my actions towards them change very very deeply. Not having many interactions has made me very grateful for the ones I do have, and having that all the time has made me the happiest I've been in years. Things are interesting and about to get more interesting in the next couple weeks, but I am more calm and collected than ever. I am happy every day and every night and I can't even begin to describe what a weight I was under for the last 4 years. Some things might fall apart soon... but I have a feeling other things are going to be stronger than ever. Just wait and see. *~Tsuki No Senshi~* Current Location: my backyard! Current Mood: geeky Tags: camera, change, d&d, friends, gaming, life, love, strength

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

May 17th, 2009

10:03 pm - On the current state of things... I'm making a note here... HUGE SUCCESS. Current Mood: pleased

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

May 14th, 2009

03:41 pm - Yeah... I think I like where this is going. I'm pretty sure I like where this is going. XD Current Mood: amused Current Music: Eisley- A Sight to Behold Tags: change

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

May 11th, 2009

(Leave a comment)

May 10th, 2009

02:24 am - Seen some things... and some stuff man.... wouldn't recommend it! Been going through some stuff... clearly. But miraculously... I am fine. I don't feel worthless, I don't feel alone. I don't even feel like I'm far from finishing this chapter of my life. There are parts of my life already moving on. I'm working on getting a job and money to pay my bills. I have to quickly find car insurance, get the gas, trash, & water switched over... I have to find a 3rd roommate. I have to find a lawyer, hopefully one to help me as a low income person, but if not I need to scrounge up the money to pay one. I have to buy things for my new home, and find money to take Chibi to the vet. He seems sick lately. And lonely, but Liz plans to get a kitten soon enough so hopefully it won't be too long before he's got company. Need money to pay my high high cell phone bill (thanks to having to pay a deductible on an insurance claim for a new phone because mine is literally falling apart). I'm feeling changed. Unusual as I felt like I had already become who I would always essentially be. Certain things don't bother me anymore. Certain things I feared are no longer any of my concern. I am moving on and doing so rather fast. And becoming the bender of ideals. I challenge others and their rules and am learning to follow no ones rules but my own. I've felt this way since Beltane, and its inexplicable. But I like it. I am going to try my damndest to make PAX this year. I really thought I would be broken or working on this for much much longer. But as long as I can land a job pretty soon here and snag some cheap plane tickets, I will make it. I've already relinquished my post as deputy of Raven Theatre, but I'm kind of looking forward to working as a grunt Enforcer somewhere. PRD has been super rad in her communications. As have all the other Enforcers that have been there for me in whatever way in the last 4 weeks. I am eternally in their debt. It's going to be interesting. These next couple months... *~Tsuki No Senshi~* Current Mood: giggly Tags: change, enforcers, friends, money, pax

(9 comments | Leave a comment)

May 2nd, 2009

01:08 pm - I <3 Pink I bought Pink's "Try This" yesterday. I was in the need for some ass kicking girl pop music, and she's def good for that. And I REALLY like this CD, some of the songs are just eerily good for me right now... But this song just turns me on. AND she did it w/ Peaches. EVERYONE loves Peaches. Enjoy. Current Mood: mischievous Current Music: Pink- Oh My God Tags: music, pink, video

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

May 1st, 2009

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

April 28th, 2009

03:09 am - I can't feel at all I keep trying to keep myself from breaking down every 5 minutes. And the only way to do so, so far, has been to just shut off all feelings entirely. I can still react impulsively... but I can't think too long before something... anything... reminds me of him. Everyone keeps telling me to stop thinking I'm such a failure, but all I ever wanted to do was make him as happy as he made me. I was always worried he loved me more that I loved him and that I wouldn't be able to show him how much he meant to me. So I tried constantly to think of new ways to show him how he made me feel... whole, complete, loved, and important. I know that I failed to do some things... but some how I couldn't get it right I guess.... I dunno what else there is to say. I could sit here and pick nits about all the things he failed to do for me, but none of those things ever felt like a big deal, like they were things I would get used to, or things that would change over time. So many things felt so hard, but I knew deep down that time would even these things out... and then Seattle and so many things just made this whole thing harder... I guess just too hard for him. I don't know how else to deal with this. I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling, I just... push forward and don't think about it. Not right now anyways. He keeps pushing for info and agreements when I clearly have to figure out a lot of things like getting a job, having money, getting my own lawyer... Just need time to get my feet underneath me again. I can't just hit the ground sprinting on this, I have to get back up... I just need some fuckin time... just some time.... Fuck. Current Mood: lost Tags: anger, angst, disappointment, divorce, failure, huston, marriage

(12 comments | Leave a comment)

April 23rd, 2009

03:04 pm - Trying so hard... I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to just keep my head above water. Its wearing me out, and I don't know if I have the stamina for this. I'm losing my best friend, my mate, my love. The man I planned everything with... I put a lot of my plans on hold to be with him, and now its ended me right back where I started... I'm alone and sad every night and I can keep a happy face on most of the time, but it hurts so much to smile. The last couple days he's been more communicative than he has been the entire time we were together. He's been calmly telling me things that I had no idea were issues or that i didn't realize were as bad as they were because they only time they got brought up was when he was angry. And its killing me because I know if he had just been this way when we were together, none of this would have happened. All of our problems would have been avoidable if he had just been this clear before. I can't even begin to describe the amount of pain these last two weeks have put me through. I can't see clearly at all anymore, I just want to move back a few weeks and prevent this all from starting. I could have fixed this... i know I could have. i wish i could have. Because i love him more than he knows. I'm not ok. I'm not going to be Ok for a long long time. Current Mood: alone Tags: alone, disappointment, divorce, fear, huston, marriage, scary

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

April 15th, 2009

08:14 pm - It may be too little too late... But this all makes sense to me: "After watching marriage-advice books catalyze the destruction of my first marriage, I did not think I would find myself reading any more of these books soon. But I heard an interview with Dr Gottman on National Public Radio and I was so impressed that I ran out, bought the book and read it. The thing that makes the book so good is that it is based on rigorous, scientific research (you know, set up an experiment, collect data, look for patterns in the data without inserting your own preconceptions and report it). Although I found that most of Dr. Gottman's findings were not particularly surprising, I still found the book to be extremely useful because out of the many possible things a person could do to improve their marriage, this book tells you which ones really matter. The book also gave me a good sense of the problems that are encountered in happy marriages. For example, about 60% of the conflicts that happily married couples have are unresolvable (perpetual). This fact alone would have helped my first marriage a lot considering all the good will that we burned up trying to solve problems that were not solvable. Dr Gottman found that happy couples accept that these problems are unresolvable and can learn to live with them without damaging their relationship. As an analogy he points out that people with bad elbows can live very rich and rewarding lives as long as they don't make playing tennis a central part of their lives. In summary this is a great book that people who don't like marriage advice books can enjoy (as well as those who do)." http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0752837265/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239845293&sr=8-1 Current Mood: blank Tags: angst, help, huston, marriage

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

April 14th, 2009

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

April 11th, 2009

02:21 pm - I need this now... I recently found this saved on this laptop.... its so strange to see now.... "Wedding vows. I can't really think of any words to put here, so i'm going to outline some ideas. Giselle is the only person that's been able to stand my abrasive personality for so long. Similarly, she's been able to keep me interested for this long. We've shared some pretty rough times, along with sharing some incredible times (like this month). She makes my heart flutter when I look into her eyes, and we geek out over our own geeky things. My brain unfortunately goes to mush any time I try to think about awesome things to say for a vow when I'm not getting sloshed at graduation parties. I really should've written some of those ideas down. Le sigh. You cannot possess me for I belong to myself, But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give You cannot command me, for I am a free person, But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the waffles will taste sweeter coming from our kitchen. I pledge to you that you will be the one I dream about in the night and the eyes into which I smile in the morning. I pledge to you the first player controller when you want it I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine I shall not slander you, nor you me I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel we shall try to do so in private and tell no strangers our grievances This is my wedding vow to you This is the marriage of equals." Current Mood: gloomy Tags: huston, love, marriage, wedding

(Leave a comment)

(Leave a comment)

March 8th, 2009

05:55 am I flipped the image so its readable, but I drew this backwards so its readable outside. I'm such a nerd. Tags: art, nerd, pictures, watchmen

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> User Info
> previous 20 entries